Recently I noticed my memory has become a bit foggy and I can't seem to remember photos, memories, simple tasks, just things, anymore. When they were taken, who took them, or what was happening. I was shocked when my nuerologist told me I had some memory...something. I think that was his nice way of saying I'm just super forgetful.
But the day of the "reality check" if you will, was absolutley heartbreaking for me. I was with my sister and boyfriend. My sister was doing her makeup in my mirror and we were sitting on my bed, all listening to music. I was staring at a poster my other sister (I should give them code names, seriously) had made for me with tons of my favorite pictures on it. She had people all message her nice things about me, or memories. Just overall, very pleasant things. She then wrote the nice things between the pictures. I absolutley love it. When she gave it to me, I almost cried. See? I can remember receiving the gift just fine. Just not anything else about that day. Yet, I am hopeful.
So I was staring at the photos and thinking;
"I can't remember this."
I would look at another picture and the same thing. No clue what any of this was. All I knew was the fact that these were all my favorite memories at some point in time. That these meant something to me. And then the big one hit me. It smacked me in the face like a brick. I told my boyfriend and as a bestfriend would, he has been a great help to me through it all.
My favorite picture of my dad holding me, and he was smiling. Anyone that knows us, knows that when we force a smile, it looks like a trainwreck. But in this picture, my dad was holding me and has a big smile on his face and I just look so excited to be in his arms. I know why I am, because I love my dad. But to have the memory of him holding me like a princess is priceless to me.
Let me tell you something. It's not all losing when you have this. I forgot my speed dial code for the past two months. I have tried every logical number and finally I just typed a random code and it worked! I sat on my porch crying because I remembered something. So there are some small victories in the struggle.
So I know I willl never get my memories one hundred percent back, but as long as I get those pictues saying those great moments happened. Those beautiful moments, in perhaps the scariest time I'm yet facing, still happened. It was proof that there was light in the darkness, that there were people staying strong for it all.
Keep searching for the little moments, they are real. They are beautiful. And they will last forever. Stay strong through it all, and always always always keep going. You are always bigger than the fight. You are even more than a memory. You are going to be remembered as something wonderful because you are something wonderful. You are not a disorder, you are not a weakness, or a disease. You are more than a sickness.
-Kylee
But the day of the "reality check" if you will, was absolutley heartbreaking for me. I was with my sister and boyfriend. My sister was doing her makeup in my mirror and we were sitting on my bed, all listening to music. I was staring at a poster my other sister (I should give them code names, seriously) had made for me with tons of my favorite pictures on it. She had people all message her nice things about me, or memories. Just overall, very pleasant things. She then wrote the nice things between the pictures. I absolutley love it. When she gave it to me, I almost cried. See? I can remember receiving the gift just fine. Just not anything else about that day. Yet, I am hopeful.
So I was staring at the photos and thinking;
"I can't remember this."
I would look at another picture and the same thing. No clue what any of this was. All I knew was the fact that these were all my favorite memories at some point in time. That these meant something to me. And then the big one hit me. It smacked me in the face like a brick. I told my boyfriend and as a bestfriend would, he has been a great help to me through it all.
My favorite picture of my dad holding me, and he was smiling. Anyone that knows us, knows that when we force a smile, it looks like a trainwreck. But in this picture, my dad was holding me and has a big smile on his face and I just look so excited to be in his arms. I know why I am, because I love my dad. But to have the memory of him holding me like a princess is priceless to me.
Let me tell you something. It's not all losing when you have this. I forgot my speed dial code for the past two months. I have tried every logical number and finally I just typed a random code and it worked! I sat on my porch crying because I remembered something. So there are some small victories in the struggle.
So I know I willl never get my memories one hundred percent back, but as long as I get those pictues saying those great moments happened. Those beautiful moments, in perhaps the scariest time I'm yet facing, still happened. It was proof that there was light in the darkness, that there were people staying strong for it all.
Keep searching for the little moments, they are real. They are beautiful. And they will last forever. Stay strong through it all, and always always always keep going. You are always bigger than the fight. You are even more than a memory. You are going to be remembered as something wonderful because you are something wonderful. You are not a disorder, you are not a weakness, or a disease. You are more than a sickness.
-Kylee
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