Its 1 AM and I've been thinking about this a lot. Best way to get it out? Expose it to hundreds of people. I was driving home from school and had a thought of this is how it feels for my body to be normal now. But I'm on medication that makes it all funny feeling and sick throughout the day. So I got to thinking, what is my actual normal?
For the longest time I wanted the same thing all people want. I wanted to be normal. Cliche, right? But in this sense I wanted, no, more like craved to feel like a normal teenage kid. Which seems impossible to some. But to me there is "the Cliche." I wanted to live, feel, breathe it.
I wanted to know what normal felt like again. To feel things on my fingertips without the medications again, to see light without the random colors surging through. I wanted to be in the normal world. I dreamed it. My world is strangely beautiful, but it's not what I wanted anymore. What was my normal?
It's still hard to wrap my mind around that every single person has a different world. Yes, we are all on Earth. However, we all receive it differently. We see, feel, and live our lives differently on it. Some ways we live it are completely different than others, physically or emotionally. So I think to say we are all our own worlds is appropriate here. So is there even a normal world?
I most certainly think so. Still. All of us are individuals, as noted above. But the fantasy of normal? Where would it come from, if it never existed? Why would the idea of a normal person exist, if it wasn't a thing?
Well for those who end up reading this far I will tell you what I did with my aspirations. Stop reaching for someone else's normal, reach for your best, but not someone else's. I instead enjoyed life, enjoyed my family, friends, the time I haveq and slowed down. I cherish moments that are given to me and will continue to do so. Don't wait until the face of the Normal hits you.
I won't know what a normal body feels like. That is something I've personally had a hard time with. Before medication? That sure as America wasn't normal, and after was the same. The best way to put it, I feel like im in a candy coated body with a melted inside. Like a melted M&M. I was tempted to write about a normal life but lets be honest, no one knows what a normal life is.
I know I get distracted while writing but bottom line is, dont chase after the normal. Be your normal. Whether it's swimming through lakes with scary fish, driving until three in the morning, dancing in the grocery store, do whatever you need to make yourself happy, the normal you want, is obviously not the normal you need. So do what makes your life feel "normal" (not overwhelming, stressful, etc).
Late night thought closed.
#morethanasickness
